Gerard the Lobster

I’ve been recently staying in an Undisclosed Location where I’ve met a lot of oysters, both hardworking straightforward ones and sophisticated, learned ones.

You know what oyster mythology is all about? Becoming part of the Great Good Being when they die. They believe the best end for an oyster is to become assimilated into a somewhat hazy entity they understand to represent all kindness, funness, frolicking, verbal talent, champagne drinking and all-around sparkling. A venerable wise old oyster told me the Great Good Being is also referred to as “Viddievoo” (but she might just have had a cold). I know what I think.

From the Carpathians, I hope to continue my quest to the opposite side of the world. Monsieur solidstate, pay extra attention to the (other) tuataras around you in the near future. Especially if they’re wearing bunny ears.

I’m looking forward to meeting you.

My quest recently led me to the darkest, most majestic woods of the Carpathian mountains. On a stormy night, I came across the Calvino-Escherian Leierschloss with its ever-winding surreal staircases, semi-opaque servants, and its unfathomable burgrave-with-the-jewelled-tortoise.

Though plagued by occasional Sturm und Drang, Leiermann is a great host and friend not only of reindeer but of lobsters as well. He never once asked about the bunny costume, seeming to accept it as natural for wandering lobsters.

I can honestly say that he is the most lucid lobster i have ever run across. Plus, i have never in my life seen a lobster who looked better in a bunny suit.

She is both intelligent and sweet,
both sharp and kind,
both funny and caring.

She understands the point of my existence as well as my quest for furriness.

I both admire her and like her. She has the stuff true lobster-friends are made of.

Her kindness surpasses the Mount Everest.

She likes lobsters.

She created the fluffy mittens for me.

The world is her oyster, and I am her lobster.

She has lovely taste in towels.

I’d like to be in her secret society.

I am extremely grateful for the advice on how to avoid being attacked by baby penguins, those dangerous beasts!

She stood by me in the film-noirish incident of the lady guinea-pig fatale trying to frame me. Friends like that make a lobster proud!

Because he likes pale blue ribbons, Blue is my favorite color and I like that he is not afraid of his feminine side…

And, he likes taking baths with lavender and patchouli bath oils…

He is obviously well read. A true gentle-lobster and scholar.

It is a SHAME that he’s being framed for the whole sordid guinea pig scandal…. I’d like to hear from the guinea pig. Bet she has some things to say!

I count the time I spent in Mr. Cookie’s legendary pants among the happiest in my life. The laughter! The sheer wittiness of the company! The playing of charades late into the night! The gerbils!

Mr. Cookie is the best host of parties ever, and a man of peace. I have the utmost respect for him and his secrets.